Take Me to Church
It is 6:45 pm on a Sunday, my cue to take a reprieve from the library, even if only for an hour. I meet you outside my dorm. You are sitting on a bench waiting for me with your eyes closed, taking everything in. There are flowers right beside you, God’s creation, yet it is in your light that Her presence shines through.
We venture into the chapel, the bright white walls surrounding our senses. As we walk in, my instinct is to hold your hand tightly, silently thanking you for coming to this weekly ritual with me. My intellect, my dreaded knowing of the looks we would receive, the nagging of that isn’t allowed here, keeps me from doing what my heart most wants.
I can’t help but wonder if the people around me believe in the same God as I do. One that would realize that this girl sitting next to me is the embodiment of love (as we all are) and that the love we share has Her at its foundation.
In a relationship that some would deem as the embodiment of sin, I have never felt closer to God.
Our conversations are ones where we feel free to work through the questions:
How do we align our faith and our love?
How do we let them coexist when the world has taught us that one excludes the other?
My freshman year theology teacher used to say “God isssss,” drawing a never ending circle on the whiteboard, representing how it is in our relationships with other people that we most directly come into relationship with Her. You have embodied that idea in each of our interactions.
During the Our Father, I finally get the moment I have been waiting for all along, and I hold your hand high and proud as we praise Her glory. We simultaneously squeeze each other’s hands before letting go, and in this symbol I hear your voice inside of me, whispering,
I’m right here with you.
Somedays, I feel like I am holding my breath during these Sunday masses, careful of my every move. But tonight, I remember: God knows my every hope, dream, fear, and sorrow. And so instead of being in hiding, I imagine Her looking down at us, smiling at the way Her plan is unfolding.
There has always been a second step of footsteps walking with us on our journey together.
